For my last reflection, I would like to look back at the semester and think about how far I have expanded my horizons in regards to international affairs. To think I came in knowing how little I did in regards to how I feel now is baffling. I actually thought it was funny because I came in feeling like the one who knew the less, for sure. My peers had taken comparative politics classes, social justice seminars and knew way too much about countries like Slovakia, and then there was me, whose academic background relied on a world politics class in ninth grade because my school provided strictly what the curriculum required.
During my first class, I realized I needed to start keeping up with my peers’ vocabulary given that I did not know half of the technical terms they used. I would Google-search the word hegemony at least three times a week and re-read the definition until I knew I could recite it. My peers had what I thought was very peculiar vocabulary because there were no Spanish translations for more than half of the words I did not know, which made it a lot harder. I also questioned the meaning I had of a lot of the terms; I was taught that liberal had only one definition, and that was “Californians”, yet PTJ made me rethink this when I wrote liberal instead of liberalist in one of my essays; little did I know that there was a world of difference between both. I also questioned what I identified as, or with for that matter, and how big of a deal the notion of double consciousness really is. I questioned the difference between race, ethnicity and nationality many times, and felt frustrated and on the verge of a mini meltdown when people would use America to refer to the United States. I rethought and restructured what I planned my career to be many, many times and made the shifts and changes pertinent along the way. I questioned if I really was going to be able to finish the semester at all given that I had to leave and wasn’t even sure if I would be deemed “healthy enough” to come back. I struggled with keeping up, with expressing myself, with getting everyone to consider my perspective, and with finding someone to talk to about the struggles all at the same time, but I did it. I was able to finish. I made myself feel like I was at my peers’ knowledge level even though I have yet so much to learn and even attempt to comprehend. I may or may not have finished the class with the grade I wanted to originally, but I am infinitely thankful for the learning experience and reality check I have had with this class; sad it was only a semester.
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December 2018
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